It Isn't Enough
by youkai chick supreme
Summary: Best friends are forever. But forever must be a lot shorter than Riku thought. Onesided SoRi.


A/n: Um, I've been obsessing about Riku recently… a lot. Yea, all my Kingdom Hearts fics revolve around him. This is no exception. I love Riku. Riku is simply the best damn thing ever. Period.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts! If I did, Riku and Sora totally would have kissed (among other things) on that beach… Damn it! Why didn't they! Oh yes, because I don't own them and therefore cannot control them! Duh!

Ahem. Continue.

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'I want more. I want so much more than this.' The boy nearly jumped at the accuracy of that thought. His current and only object of infatuation was sitting besides him, arms out-stretched, yawning. 

The beach was strangely deserted for such a warm summer day. The elder boy looked around quickly, eyes roving the sandy shore line, head barely moving in either direction. He came up with only 5 other people on the beach besides himself and his friend. And the others were quite far off.

'Now would be the perfect time to confess.' The thought drifted into his mind and he almost shook his head in opposition. 'Don't be stupid,' he chastised himself, 'He doesn't love me and he never will. Nothing will change that. Why ruin things by telling him how I feel?'

"Riku, I'm bored!" The younger boy whined. His elder friend continued to gaze out at the water, certain that if he were to look at the brunet his feelings would be written all over his face. 

"So suggest something and we'll do it." He replied evenly. Riku shocked himself with how normal he sounded, like nothing was wrong. Like he wasn't in love with his best, same-sexed, friend. 

"Riiiii-ku… I'm bored." The way Sora moaned his name, almost sensuously; it did strange things to his friend. It turned him on a lot more than he liked to admit. The way he dragged the first syllable out, long and low, voice all childish innocence, it did very strange things to Riku. Things he tried most valiantly to ignore.

It became impossible when Sora flipped over to drape across his best friend's torso. He laid his head against Riku's shoulders, both staring up at the darkening sky. Riku felt his breath become shallow, almost painfully so, and he knew Sora would be able to feel it soon if he didn't get a hold of his damned emotions! So he closed his eyes and inhaled slowly, trying to gather some semblance of order.

He exhaled, and on that exhale, he mistakenly said a name.

"Yes Riku?" Said boy snapped his eyes open, noticing how close the other boy was to his face. Mere inches separated their noses. If he looked closely, he could see his own reflection tainted blue. It was exhilarating. And it scared the piss out of him.

Riku noticed the gap between him and his younger friend closing slowly but he couldn't figure out who was moving for a second. He realized he himself was doing it when Sora's eyes widened and began to hold traces of fear and loathing.

"Wh-what are you doing Riku." The brunette sat up sharply, twisting away from his friend, trying not to panic. His best friend was trying to kiss him, why? Why was Riku acting so weird?

"I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I… Oh God Sora, I wanted it to stay a secret, I never wanted to have to tell you! Oh God." The older boy sat up again, curling his limbs in, locking his arms around his knees, and burying his face in his arms.

Sora continued to stare off into nothing, the panicky feelings accumulating by leaps and bounds with each new word out of his friend's lips. Riku couldn't possibly mean what it sounded like… He couldn't possibly, could he?

"I guess I'm trying to tell you I love you. I know I shouldn't and I know it's wrong! But I can't help myself, I really love you, ok? Sora? S-say something… Say anything. Please, please don't hate me…"

Sora felt his heart crack, each tear that slipped from his friend's eye added another hairline fracture to the already broken fixture. He wanted to wrap his arms around his friend and make him stop crying. But he couldn't bear the thought of touching him at the moment. He continued to hesitate, staring at the waves crashing on the shore. Riku took his silence for what it was, blatant rejection. He knew it would end like this.

"I'm sorry Sora, I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen you know? I never meant to fall in love with you, and I never, never meant for you to find out. I'm sorry, I really fucked up this time, didn't I?" Riku turned away from the boy, wiping his eyes slowly, trying to stop his hands from shaking like they were.

Sora didn't know where to look, what to think, let alone say. Riku just continued to silently cry into the ends of his sleeves. He couldn't take the silence. It hurt too much. It hurt more than he thought possible. He had to get away. Rolling over onto his knees, he pushed up quickly and began to run, anywhere but here.

Sora looked to where his friend had been sitting, but was a moment too late. He turned his head and caught the sight of Riku running down the beach. Why did this happen, his mind cried out. Why did this have to happen? How could his best friend love him _like that_?

"Riku! Riku, stop!" Sora began to chase after him, knowing that if he let Riku get away then things between them could never be fixed. So he ran, feet sliding on errant grains of sand here and there, until he was close enough to reach out and grab his silver-headed friend. And he did.

Riku felt two small hands wrap around his left wrist just as he felt the last stubborn drop of hope that things could be salvaged die. He stopped moving the moment he realized it was Sora. It felt so right to feel the brunet's grip upon his hands. He just wanted to melt into the moment and pretend that everything was okay. He didn't want to use his brain, he didn't want to be Riku-like. He wanted to be Sora-like, and just feel with his heart. But he knew that this was probably the last time Sora would ever touch him so carelessly, and while he knew he must savor it, he also knew he must not rely on it. He was confident it would never happen again. 

"Riku, I love you like a brother, isn't that enough?" The younger boy cried, as tears began streaming down his cheeks to mirror the tears that still trekked down his friend's cheeks.

His older counterpart stopped and gazed ahead, unseeing. Slowly a wry smirk stole over his lips. He shook his head slowly, carefully. "No Sora, it's not enough, not this time."

The brunet exhaled a shuddering breath. It felt like his world was cracking apart at the seams. Nothing made sense. It was like pulling back the sky to find whoever was controlling all of this was a lot less in control than he thought. Maybe no one was in control anymore. It sure felt like things were just spiraling away, flying toward oblivion.

Sora didn't know where to look, looking at Riku hurt too much, but it felt wrong to look away.

"Riku… Riku, I don't want everything to fall apart. I looked for you for so long, I finally found you, I can't lose you all over again. Please Riku." The brunet sniffled, looking at an indiscriminate spot just above Riku's left shoulder.

"You'll always have me Sora. I might never have you, but you'll always have me. That's a promise." Riku smiled, an empty attempt at an empty emotion he couldn't name at the moment. Sora felt his heart crumble a little more, if possible.

"You have me Riku, as a best friend. You… You'll always be my best friend. This doesn't… this doesn't change anything." Riku could taste the lie in the air. He knew as well as Sora did that there would be no going back now that it was out in the open. Sure, they'd still be friends, but never best friends, never again.

He shakily drew in a lungful of air, held it for what seemed like too long before exhaling loudly. He needed more air. He needed more than he could take in. He never knew he could be so needy.

"Maybe…" Riku tested the waters, speaking softly. "Maybe I should disappear for a while."

"No!" The result was immediate. He found Sora shoved up against his chest deliciously close. But it wasn't the way he wanted. It only hurt, because it would never be the way he wanted. Regardless of the reasons or feelings behind it, Riku still decided to cherish the feelings it evoked in him. He wound his arms slowly, gingerly, around Sora, wrapping him up loosely in living warmth.

"Please, please don't leave me again. I don't think I could handle it if you left again." 

"This isn't about you, Sora, this is about me." And I want to get as far away from you as possible, he finished silently. 

The body within his arms tensed as he knew it would. Riku sighed quietly, more so an exhale than a real sigh, and loosened his grip to pull back and stare his friend in the eyes.

"Sora… I can't stay here forever. I'll stay on this world, your world, but I'm leaving this island. I'm going to go mainland. I'm going to get away for a while. And who knows, maybe our paths will cross again. Best friends forever, after all, right?"

Sora looked at the hand outstretched to him, and this time he didn't hesitate in taking it. He smiled, and it wasn't completely happy, but it wasn't sad either. And, like all of Sora's smiles, it fit his cherubic face perfectly.

"Of course Riku, best friends forever and ever." His voice was soft and sad, but it sounded like the truth, it sounded like a promise. And despite his better judgment, Riku believed him.

Riku always believed the lies Sora fed him.

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The End.

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A/N: GAH! That took forever to write (well more like forever to end). But I'm mildly proud of it. So review or whatever. Thanks for reading! Bye!


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